Stuck - Week One

I am stuck. My creativity at home is limited and I’m not sure why. I love creating work (obviously) but why is lockdown taking that away from me? Stripping my motivation down slowly, then all at once.

Instead of building up all this frustration and creative block, within this next three week project I will be creating any work that springs to mind and producing work communicating this resentment of isolation and the effects its causing. I’m sure many other creatives and people in general will agree that this pandemic is effecting the way we think. The emotions we all hold, although we may feel we are alone with these, I can assure you that you are not.

Everyone is experiencing grief of some kind at the moment. Whether this is loss of a loved one due to covid, lack of education for the past year, or even a holiday. Although you may not feel worthy of grief of what the pandemic has taken away from you, I feel in this instance its okay to feel this sadness which we all try to consume. Loss in one shape or form, its still loss which caused grief and upset.

This time last year I struggled massively with my mental health. In a way it feels like i’ve gone back in a loop, only within the isolation aspect. Isolation for me is comforting but at the wrong times terrifying. After all, we are all human and need a hug sometimes. Being trapped in isolation has caused me to feel stuck again, not within myself but within my creative path. Everything I create at the moment I almost feel ashamed that I have made something so crap and meaningless. But even if everything is crap and meaningless who says it can’t be art - that what half of it is in the long run but its still art.

This project will be used to amplify my current emotions and lack of motivation caused by lockdown - and unavoidable burden.

To start off with I have used photography, presenting lethargy of being in lockdown, using a slumped pose around the home to present discomfort/disinterest.

Although these images show vulnerability of myself and my current emotions, that’s okay. I originally didn’t want this project to involve much self pity or even a ‘depressing’ atmosphere but its so natural to have these emotions at the moment. It’s okay to have bad days and its okay if they are over a period of time, you can only move up. The lack of colour within the images presenting the bleak and boring life we are currently living in, isolation stripping us to our most emotional and vulnerable form. Taking away the colour presents only emotion to the viewer due to the slumped poses and obstruction of the face. By taking away any facial expression it presents emotion within bodily language, a slumped but still figure only presented as a figure, nothing more. Over consumed by the stress of our modern world but forced to carry on as normal.

In our current climate not seeing positively is very normal as everywhere you look is filled with gloom, nothing to look forward to and nothing to do. Quite a struggle. Obviously things will get better, thats just hard to see currently and i’m sure many others would agree with me on that statement - which is why I feel its important to make work about this topic even if its what everyone is making artwork about now. The only difference is how I am presenting my anxiety of existence in isolation towards the viewer.

Along with these images I have also created a painting presenting further emotions of listless existence.

The loose brushstrokes presenting a disheveled face further adds to the dejected and lack of motivation which many will be experiencing right now. The droopy eyes and lack of facial features stripping away the person to present just emotion - a chaos figure of emotion. The restriction and repetition completely warping the way someone can view them self and life. A figure of no motivation, no motivation is left when everyday is the same.

It’s hard to find hope when every news outlet is sharing news which no one wants to hear, which only adds to anxiety more - for me this adds to the lack of motivation. When I started my A-levels online it was all new and exciting, I didn’t think the pandemic would last as long as it has but now almost a year on it has only gotten worse with deaths increasing significantly, loneliness on the rising, unemployment growing. Not exactly the happiest year.